the scary part

This weekend I sat on the floor
in a mountain of baby clothes.
The closet has been more than
overflowing for months now.
I sat sorting tiny socks, onesies
and some of my favorite
little outfits that it seems like
our lil Bug wore just yesterday.
I tried holding them up to my nose,
searching for that new baby smell.
No luck. Everything was clean.

I also sat there in the middle of
all of this and was reminded of
the lack of sleep, the 3 am feedings,
and the inconsolable crying that
sometimes made me melt down.

I thought of the hospital.

My heart started racing at the thought of that
moment - the moment things got really scary.
I'm so thankful that I'm here to
watch you grow lil Bug.


I remember picking you up from your crib in those
first weeks and coming so close to blacking out.
My head would start on fire and everything would get
so dark. I'd hold you over the crib until it passed,
just in case. I'd walk five feet to the rocking
chair and be so exhausted when I sat down,
wondering if I'd ever be strong again.
And Dad, how he must have worried.

Those first months went by so fast.
But those moments in the early days,
they seemed so long.

Thank you for my health.
Thank you for the health
of my family.
Thank you for the love
and the prayers during
those first few weeks.