Part two

So, I've been doing
some investigating.

This health insurance
problem in our country
is just awful.

I do have health insurance.

Our government
will pay for an illegal
immigrant's prenatal care
and delivery and will also happily pay
for the birth of a baby whose
family is on welfare.

I've been speaking to insurance
providers and our local health care
providers in clinics and at the hospital.

Without maternity coverage on my health plan,
and if I have a perfect pregnancy & delivery,
my "prenatal" care will be a minimum of
$2,500.00 plus the cost of blood work, ultrasounds
and any other routine tests.
If I pay my bill before I leave the hospital,
after receiving the most basic of care, not including any
drugs or pain relieving medication, I only have to pay
$6,900.00 for the hospital portion.

$2,500.00 +
$6,900.00 =
$9,400.00 plus the cost of prenatal tests.
That's probably another thousand.
Good Grief.

Now, if I can find insurance with maternity coverage ,..
(I'm 35 and noone wants to
support a woman having a baby at
35 these days.)
I need to purchase an insurance rider at a minimum
of $900.00 a month. Then I need to wait at least three
months before I'm allowed to get pregnant. So, I pay that each month
along with my regular premium in hopes I get pregnant right away.
None of this money goes towards a deductible.
NONE OF IT!

At the point I get pregnant I can look at a my
monthly $1,000.00+ premium that like I said,
doesn't go towards my deductible of $3,000.00, plus
50% of any hospital costs up to my max out of
pocket which is usually $8,000.00 or more!!!
Don't forget that as soon as a baby pops out,
we get to start all over paying for the baby.
Those hospital bills are a couple of
thousand out of pocket at a minimum.
We're talking about an insured birth
estimating a minimum out-of-pocket
cost of $17,000.00
-if there are no complications.

If I showed up and said we don't make any money,
Medicaid would cover and I'd pay
something like $300.00 out of pocket.
If I showed up and said I don't have a SS#,
I'd still pay next to nothing and walk out a free woman.

I don't know what the hell to do.
Children are priceless, but how
can we afford to get one?

What kind of message is
my great country trying
to send to me?

Part One

I can easily embrace the

simple truth that

children are priceless.

I'd give every penny

but never

my daughter.

She's my everything.

It's not a choice I made.

It's an uncomplicated

truth, a fact.

She's as necessary

as the air I breathe.

I am spoiled in her

genuine love for me.

Each time she wakes

I tell her honestly,

adoringly,

"I missed you while

you were sleeping."

Bug, you're so easy to love.

Sorting

I've been organizing thousands of photos
from the last 25 years.
It's a good thing I didn't have a
camera for the first ten.

I now know that there is hardly ever a good
reason to order "doubles". I have so many doubles,
it'll be next to impossible to sift through them.

There are now boxes titled "1992 - 2000".
It was the best I could do for those years.
I don't even know how to begin sorting.
Those years were my crazy years.
Crazy fun.

Other boxes titled "112 years", "Cara Ct years", etc...

I also found multiple CD's given to me as gifts
from multiple brides & grooms on their wedding day.
Honestly, does anyone listen to these
homemade CD's full of sappy, corny,
downright vomit-inducing love songs? Individually,
some of these songs are just fine, but put them together
and it's enough to make me... well, I don't know, but it's enough
to make me want to do something unpleasant.

I apologize for offending, and maybe most of the guests are
wild with appreciation. I could be the small minority.
I loved your weddings and I love you.

The truth I was trying to share is just this:
I've never
listened to a
single one.
.
.
.
.
To those of you that gave
me the personalized wedding
pint glasses -
You kick ass.
.
.
.
And to those of you
who gave us nothing,
I like that the best. Your
wedding day is about
you two, not us. I was
just happy to be there
anyway.
I wanted nothing more.

Groundhog's Day

This is the day I've chosen to make changes.
It's been on my cranium calendar.
I'm trying to channel Phil Connors, in a good way.
I'm going to repeat over and over until I get it right.
1. I'm getting some form of exercise every day.
2. I'm going to be a more loving wife.
3. I'm going to pray more often, and in a way that He'd appreciate.
4. I'm going to write much more often, but you know...

It comes
and it goes,

this desire
to write.

The word "write"
hasn't changed.
I'm actually typing.

But "type"
doesn't inspire,
doesn't beg for more,
doesn't leaving you wishing
I'd "typed" a little more.

Wish me luck, I'm off to fold laundry
while watching the movie that is part
of today's inspiration. :-)

Maybe 1991? Maybe later?

Another one of my dorky old poems from way back when.
No, it's not about me. It's just made up stuff.
I liked (like) to rhyme and see where it goes.

"I used to care
not today

Across this table
the gap is wide
I hand it back
I stand outside

I wish... I'd yelled
like a mad woman
at the back of your car

You turned around
but strolled on by
Footsteps firm
but knees were shaking
your eyes read apathy
but your soul was quaking

Smile?
Yes!
Of course I did
I'm not as kind
as I was as a kid

The news you wanted
was not what arrived
Done being stepped on
...I... say goodbye"