Jana

I sit here
waiting
patiently.
She's more than waiting now.
Her body, made for this.
Her mind, prepared for this.
Her man, a lesson in helpful,
but feeling helpless.

Support surrounds her.
She is capable.
Love energizes her.
She is strong.
Pain pushes her.
She is driven.

It seems neverending
but it won't be long.

skin

Staring at the skin

on the backs of my hands.

Thinned.

Blotched.

Creased.

Scarred.

Wrinkled.

Remembering
the tautness of skin,

the brightness of youth.

Never once thinking

that I'd arrive here so soon.

It's not quite depressing

just a slight sense of doom.

random, once again.

I wish it would come back to me.
the thought
the storm
your memory
I wish it hadn't gone away.
the dream
the face
like yesterday
Fading like a photo
left out in the sun
The outline traced with
colored chalk
It waits for rain to come.
Breathing in so deeply
standing before -
in awe.
Saying everything but
the right words.
A massive giant flaw.

....No review, no punctuation, not even sure what it's about. I'll read it again after posting and feel slightly embarrased.
---------------

Listening to the gravel
crunching on the tar
my footsteps breaking silence
as I stare up to where you are.

Tonight the stars are millions
they flicker in the sky
The tears start falling, cooling
the skin under my eyes.

t.b.c....
(started typing another, but couldn't get it out right with a phone conversation nearby. This one was from camping this weekend. The stars - so many, many stars. I was overcome.)

just a little thing

Catching a memory from this morning.

Bug walks up to Mom-

"Mom, can you read this book to me please? Because I can't read."

"You can't read?"

"No Mom, cause me just two. I'm just this little person who can't read."

She can't read, but she's smart as a whip.

1984

I wanted to post something tonight.
I don't have a lot to tell you.
But,
I did receive an message from
a girl who used to torment me
when I was in middle school.
It was 1984,
4th grade.
I wanted to kill myself.
I was born in 1973
and I wanted to drown
myself in 1984.
Noone would speak to me at school,
my small catholic school.
To be in her club, they had to ignore me.
She was the rich girl.
I was the one she chose.
I have nothing against her today.
But, I do remember it all so well.
The words were cruel.
The looks were venom.
The silence was the worst of all.
I was so lonely.

Today, I am 35.
Today, I am fine.
I forgave her in my heart
a long, long time ago.
Today,
I remember.

I received an email
from this woman.
She apologized
to me.

It made tears fall
down my cheeks
to my shirt.

It filled a hole
in my heart
I didn't know I had.

Looking back, I'm glad I came in third.

When I was in junior high school
my father shared a little secret with me.
I remember being shocked by it at the time.

I think we were talking about the
commitments we make in life.
Discussing, as it was, the hierarchy of love.

He told me that in his life,
God came first.
His marriage came in second
and his kids were in third place.

Those were the three most important
things in his life.
But no,
we weren't all equal.

God, first
Wife, second
Children, third

I remember thinking
about the Dad I adored
and loved so much.
He put me down there
in third place!

I know that
our family unit stayed
strong and intact because
his relationship
with his wife
was always
more important
to him
than his relationship with us.
If he had never told me,
I would have never known.
I couldn't feel more loved.

God
Marriage
Children
In our family, thankfully,
there was no other way.

White

Shhhhhhhhhh!

Quiet please -

I'm listening to the wind.

A photo of blossoms

flowering in the tree.

Some kind of snow

warming on branches.

The fragrant air gives

the truth away.

But how long will

these flowers stay?

Wind!

You're coming back again!

Scattering the beauty.

Petals, like snowflakes,

fly through the air.

Wind!

I wish you'd stay away awhile

But obviously

you don't care.

A flash of today

Making a promise to write more often?
Why didn't someone tell me that
this is almost impossible?

Sorry.

Bug, You're growing so very fast.
You'll be two in less than a month
and the potty training is going fairly well.
Today, you
"pooped in the potty, just like Daddy" - your
words, not mine.
Is that the ultimate compliment?
I'll ask you when you're older.
Twelve years from now, we could be begging
for a compliment of that caliber.

You're speaking in lengthy sentances these days.
You're also improving your negotiating skills.
You never fought bedtime before.
Now, it's ...read a book Mom?
...Wheels on the Bus Mom?
...Bitsy Spider Mom?
...look at pictures Mom?
...snuggle Mom?
...sleep on Mommy's pillow?

As always,
I'll miss you while you're sleeping Bug, we'll sing songs again tomorrow.

Spring Snowstorm 2009

Eyelids, fingers, toes
motionless in naked pose.
Fighting off the urge to shiver,
Crying out at old man winter.

Snowflakes gently fall.
Melting, cleansing, cooling my
skin. Waiting impatiently
for Spring to begin.

Put some clothes on,
Dare I say!
It won't get warmer
by undressing this way!