Part two

So, I've been doing
some investigating.

This health insurance
problem in our country
is just awful.

I do have health insurance.

Our government
will pay for an illegal
immigrant's prenatal care
and delivery and will also happily pay
for the birth of a baby whose
family is on welfare.

I've been speaking to insurance
providers and our local health care
providers in clinics and at the hospital.

Without maternity coverage on my health plan,
and if I have a perfect pregnancy & delivery,
my "prenatal" care will be a minimum of
$2,500.00 plus the cost of blood work, ultrasounds
and any other routine tests.
If I pay my bill before I leave the hospital,
after receiving the most basic of care, not including any
drugs or pain relieving medication, I only have to pay
$6,900.00 for the hospital portion.

$2,500.00 +
$6,900.00 =
$9,400.00 plus the cost of prenatal tests.
That's probably another thousand.
Good Grief.

Now, if I can find insurance with maternity coverage ,..
(I'm 35 and noone wants to
support a woman having a baby at
35 these days.)
I need to purchase an insurance rider at a minimum
of $900.00 a month. Then I need to wait at least three
months before I'm allowed to get pregnant. So, I pay that each month
along with my regular premium in hopes I get pregnant right away.
None of this money goes towards a deductible.
NONE OF IT!

At the point I get pregnant I can look at a my
monthly $1,000.00+ premium that like I said,
doesn't go towards my deductible of $3,000.00, plus
50% of any hospital costs up to my max out of
pocket which is usually $8,000.00 or more!!!
Don't forget that as soon as a baby pops out,
we get to start all over paying for the baby.
Those hospital bills are a couple of
thousand out of pocket at a minimum.
We're talking about an insured birth
estimating a minimum out-of-pocket
cost of $17,000.00
-if there are no complications.

If I showed up and said we don't make any money,
Medicaid would cover and I'd pay
something like $300.00 out of pocket.
If I showed up and said I don't have a SS#,
I'd still pay next to nothing and walk out a free woman.

I don't know what the hell to do.
Children are priceless, but how
can we afford to get one?

What kind of message is
my great country trying
to send to me?

Part One

I can easily embrace the

simple truth that

children are priceless.

I'd give every penny

but never

my daughter.

She's my everything.

It's not a choice I made.

It's an uncomplicated

truth, a fact.

She's as necessary

as the air I breathe.

I am spoiled in her

genuine love for me.

Each time she wakes

I tell her honestly,

adoringly,

"I missed you while

you were sleeping."

Bug, you're so easy to love.

Sorting

I've been organizing thousands of photos
from the last 25 years.
It's a good thing I didn't have a
camera for the first ten.

I now know that there is hardly ever a good
reason to order "doubles". I have so many doubles,
it'll be next to impossible to sift through them.

There are now boxes titled "1992 - 2000".
It was the best I could do for those years.
I don't even know how to begin sorting.
Those years were my crazy years.
Crazy fun.

Other boxes titled "112 years", "Cara Ct years", etc...

I also found multiple CD's given to me as gifts
from multiple brides & grooms on their wedding day.
Honestly, does anyone listen to these
homemade CD's full of sappy, corny,
downright vomit-inducing love songs? Individually,
some of these songs are just fine, but put them together
and it's enough to make me... well, I don't know, but it's enough
to make me want to do something unpleasant.

I apologize for offending, and maybe most of the guests are
wild with appreciation. I could be the small minority.
I loved your weddings and I love you.

The truth I was trying to share is just this:
I've never
listened to a
single one.
.
.
.
.
To those of you that gave
me the personalized wedding
pint glasses -
You kick ass.
.
.
.
And to those of you
who gave us nothing,
I like that the best. Your
wedding day is about
you two, not us. I was
just happy to be there
anyway.
I wanted nothing more.

Groundhog's Day

This is the day I've chosen to make changes.
It's been on my cranium calendar.
I'm trying to channel Phil Connors, in a good way.
I'm going to repeat over and over until I get it right.
1. I'm getting some form of exercise every day.
2. I'm going to be a more loving wife.
3. I'm going to pray more often, and in a way that He'd appreciate.
4. I'm going to write much more often, but you know...

It comes
and it goes,

this desire
to write.

The word "write"
hasn't changed.
I'm actually typing.

But "type"
doesn't inspire,
doesn't beg for more,
doesn't leaving you wishing
I'd "typed" a little more.

Wish me luck, I'm off to fold laundry
while watching the movie that is part
of today's inspiration. :-)

Maybe 1991? Maybe later?

Another one of my dorky old poems from way back when.
No, it's not about me. It's just made up stuff.
I liked (like) to rhyme and see where it goes.

"I used to care
not today

Across this table
the gap is wide
I hand it back
I stand outside

I wish... I'd yelled
like a mad woman
at the back of your car

You turned around
but strolled on by
Footsteps firm
but knees were shaking
your eyes read apathy
but your soul was quaking

Smile?
Yes!
Of course I did
I'm not as kind
as I was as a kid

The news you wanted
was not what arrived
Done being stepped on
...I... say goodbye"

25 Random Things

I wrote this list for Crackbook.

1. I'm left-handed
2. I told my dog I was pregnant before I told anyone else (in 2006)
3. I bruise easily (both physically and emotionally)
4. I wish I lived close to a coffee shop that's open during the evenings
5. I miss some people I used to be close to
6. I love tater-tot hotdish and sushi, but not at the same time
7. I don't trust any doctor who says "It won't happen again" just after saying "I don't know why it happened"
8. I got my tattoo with one of my Facebook friends
9. I've owned a white Ford Tempo, black Chevy pickup, a red Chevy convertible, blue Kia, and green Blazer
10. I was a thumbsucker and carried a blankie, just like my daughter does now. It makes me so happy.
11. I think storms are awesome, love weather!!
12. I blog
13. I love road trips with my husband
14. I ride a hot pink and black cruiser during the summer
15. I pretended to speak in tongues as a child...so I would fit in
16. I once put a handful of sunflower seeds in my mouth, then quickly realized they were covered in tiny ants!!
17. I hate TV stations that play the commercials twice as loud as the show I'm watching
18. I walked in my sleep & had night-terrors
19. I'm a morning person
20. I shop MN real estate on a regular basis
21. I pray a lot, but very rarely go to church
22. I'd love more house guests
23. I'd love a vacation with my husband
24. I love my crock pot
25. I'm having trouble finding friends willing to jump on my "Let's move to Minnesota" bandwagon

There it is.
It's the latest thing to do to waste more time.

What would make you want to?

I was standing there,

watching them.

Thinking...

These people

have a lot of passion.

And they're completely

INSANE.

It makes for great entertainment.

I've been a slacker. Sorry.

Bug is getting smarter every day.

She is learning shapes, which is

stunning to me.

She's trying to count to twenty.

And the singing...between her own

rendition of the ABC's song and a

post Christmas call-out to Santa

with "Jingle Bells" a few times

each day, it's the

voice of an angel in my ears.

She sleeps easily and peacefully.

She eats stubbornly and sparingly.

She laughs frequently, loves openly.

The other thoughts in my head,

I don't key them in.

The thoughts are mostly questions.

The thoughts are my biggest fears.

The thoughts make me so uneasy.

I'm not writing them here.

Maybe someday.

Sea Turtle

Hi Bug, I wanted to tell you this before it has a chance to become one of those memories that we have trouble remembering as the years pass by.

The photo above shows you holding up a Christmas ornament, a "santa sea turtle". This ornament that you're holding is one that we purchased on the island of Kauai in Hawaii.

You were in my belly.

I sat on the beach watching the ocean, feeling so lucky to be in such a beautiful place. It was Thanksgiving, 2007. I had so much to be thankful for. I didn't know anything about you yet, only that you would be loved and that we were very blessed. I sat on the chair with my feet digging into the sand, feeling so calm, so peaceful, listening to the waves and the laughter in the distance. And then,

Butterflies.

You moved in my belly.

It felt just like butterflies were fluttering their wings, again and again.

You picked the perfect time and perfect place.

I thought I had felt you move once before, but this time you made sure I knew it was you.

Now, in December of 2008 you present us with the sea turtle for our tree and you present me with a memory of you, before I knew you. Thank you Bug. I love you.